


Black Widow Facts

by storiesfortravellers



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: But for Black Widow, Crack, Gen, Humor, Memes, Social Media, Trolling, chuck norris facts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-12
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-23 18:27:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9670778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesfortravellers/pseuds/storiesfortravellers
Summary: It's somehow Maria's job to figure out who started the popular new Black Widow memes. She really hates her job sometimes.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Факты о Чёрной вдове](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15911451) by [Heidel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heidel/pseuds/Heidel)



> For trope bingo for the trope "Tall Tales"

“Internet memes?” Agent Hill said, raising her eyebrow.

“The Avengers are frequently a topic of these memes,” Agent Johnson replied.

“That’s to be expected, isn’t it?” she said.

“Yes, but the breakout star of these memes seems to be Agent Romanov.”

“Good for her.”

“That’s the thing… word has it that Agent Romanov is likely to be very upset about these memes.”

Hill smiled, just a little. “I really don’t think Agent Romanov gives two licks about what people on the Internet say about her.”

“Normally, no. But see, there are all these ‘Black Widow facts’ going viral.”

“Black Widow facts?”

“Take a look.” He passed his tablet over for her to view.

Hill scrolled through several.

**_”Black Widow can use whatever laundry settings she likes and her clothes won’t shrink – even washing machines are too scared to fuck with her.”_ **

**_“The schnauzer was invented by Black Widow when, one time, she glared at a St. Bernard and it shrunk.”_ **

**_“Black Widow doesn’t need to pull the trigger of her gun. She just tells the bullets who she is, and they run out of the gun as fast as they can.”_ **

**_“Black Widow once counted to infinity. Including the fractions.”_ **

**_“Black Widow once used an alien to punch another alien.”_ **

**_“Black Widow once roundhouse kicked Crossbones so hard he became Shatteredbones.”_ **

“Well, the last two are basically accurate at least,” Hill said.

“We’re concerned that if we don’t fix this, Agent Romanov will be displeased.” 

“Again, do you really think she’ll care about Internet jokes?”

“She often uses being underestimated to achieve her missions. If these memes interfere, she might complain.”

Hill sighed. “And you at HR are worried that she’ll complain to you?”

“Pretty much.”

“And you’re all scared of her.”

“These memes exist for a reason, Agent Hill.”

“Well, SHIELD’s not in the business of censoring the Internet, Agent Johnson.”

There was a long, awkward silence.

“Any more,” Hill added, reluctantly. 

“Well, there’s also one more thing.” Agent Johnson leaned over and scrolled to the last meme on the page.

**_”Black Widow sings the Hulk to sleep, makes fun of Captain America, Tasers Black Panther, and drinks Tony Stark under the table. And that’s just before breakfast."_**

“And how exactly does everyone know this about Natasha?” Maria said, dreading the answer.

“We suspect that this meme may have originally been created by, well, someone at SHIELD. Which poses security risks as well as, you know, being unprofessional. And, uh, likely to piss Agent Romanov off. Which, again, nobody looks forward to dealing with.”

Hill nodded. “I’ll take care of it.”

\--

“Dammit, Barton, if you had anything to do with this…” Hill said, shoving the tablet in his hands.

“What – whoa, this is awesome,” Clint said with a laugh, scrolling through the memes.

“No, it is not.”

“I beg to differ. Hey, when did Nat go to Stonehenge?”

Maria looked over at the bad Photoshop with the words “Black Widow once stubbed her toe on a rock and accidentally created Stonehenge.” 

“She didn’t – Clint, do you even know what an Internet meme is?”

“Is that the same as Tweeter?”

“Never mind.”

“These are cool pictures, though,” Clint said. “Do you think I could get these printed out? I’ll put them all over the break room.”

“No,” Hill said, and took her tablet back.

\--

“Stark. You think this is funny?”

Stark gave a quick glance at the memes. “I’ve seen better. Why?”

“Did you have something to do with this?” 

“No. But hey, that’s a good idea. Do you think if I photoshopped her face onto a Victoria Secret model’s body that-“

“She would definitely stab you.”

“Okay, then. I’ll just stick to the ones of Steve’s head on porn star bodies.”

“What?!”

“What? Nothing. Don’t worry. Totally just kidding.”

Maria closed her eyes. She stormed out and made a note to have HR look into the Steve porn star memes as well.

\--

“I don’t suppose you know who did this?” Hill said, holding up her tablet to Wanda and Vision.

“No. I like it, though. Very empowering,” Wanda said with a nod.

“Would you like me to hack the world’s computers to find who started the meme?” Vision said. 

“No! Well, maybe. Wait, you can do that?” Maria said. “That’s … very problematic.”

“Why don’t you just ask Natasha who did it?” Wanda said. “I bet she’s already figured it out.”

“We don’t want her to be upset about the meme’s existence.”

“Oh. You think the whole world, including most of SHIELD, knows about this but Natasha hasn’t caught on. Because that sounds like her.” Wanda smiled.

“Okay. You do have a point.”

\--

“Obviously,” Natasha said. 

“Okay, good. So you know about the meme,” Hill said. “Do you have any sense of who started it?”

“Yes. And she’s getting her payback.” 

“…Care to elaborate?”

“Nope.”

\--

Maria stared at the 3-second clip, which repeated again and again: Pepper Potts waving her finger at the camera, saying, “Shut up, bitch!”

“Shut up, bitch!” “Shut up, bitch!” “Shut up, bitch!”

Maria closed the window. “Let me guess, that’s not Pepper’s real voice.”

Johnson nodded. “Correct. Apparently, Ms. Potts is very annoyed that there’s a viral video of her saying something so… uncharacteristic of her. Basically everyone on social media who wants to tell someone to shut up is posting this clip, though. And most people online seem to believe that this is something that Ms. Potts said to Mr. Stark, which Mr. Stark finds amusing enough that he made the clip the header on the Stark Industries website until she told him to take it down. Anyway, it's started quite the debate online over whether it's still sexist to use the word 'bitch' if it's a woman calling a man a bitch.”

“Great. So… I take it Romanov and Potts are in some kind of trolling war with each other.”

“Looks like.”

“This isn’t going to end well for anyone. This could really drive a wedge in our alliance.”

“True.”

“Unless they united against a common enemy….” Maria added.

“What?”

“Oh, nothing. Forget I said anything. And, you know, if anything about Ms. Potts and Agent Romanov shows up on social media tomorrow, just … ignore it.”


End file.
